K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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