I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Found your dick twin last night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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