She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
