The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
