I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
