let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
