I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize