once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
