he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize