So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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