well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
