We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
