My friends, they love my intelligence
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
