he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
