So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
