seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
