i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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