I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm just crazy horny about you
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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