I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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