I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
