i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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