based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
