i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
