When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
