Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
