We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
