My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
