wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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