so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
