So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
