Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
