He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize