Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
