she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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