our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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