they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
