we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
