I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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