Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
is it fun? or sober?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize