he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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