I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
