Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize