I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
