But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
