I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
