So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
