low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
They left me at home... I'm a liability
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
