so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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