I'm drive I can fine osifer
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
