theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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