I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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