She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
