Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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