Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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