i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
