Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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