I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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