Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
