If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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