I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
