I could make wine with my vomit
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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