I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
