We're like a lot better than the average bears
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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