She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
