Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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