i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
