You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
