There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
