So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
