mondays should just be called national damage control day
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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