I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize