I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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