I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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