i think my tv is drunk
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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