I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
