her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
