my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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