I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
