Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Be still, my beating vagina.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
