Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
