I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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