when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
