If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
no you cant smoke seaweed
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
