i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
