Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
