hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
