I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
