dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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