I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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