but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
