i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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