the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
