so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my sisters under your porch take her home
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
where are my eyebrows?
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